Purgatory
by Persephone Chiara
Summary: A friend told her once that all things worth keeping were difficult. In a battle of guilt and fear, Aminata Shepard remembers what it is she is fighting for in the arms of her favorite Turian.


**Purgatory**

Of all the places he thought she might visit after losing one of her best friends to an assassin's blade, a busy night club was not even near the top of the list. Or was it? Considering Ami's history on earth and her enjoyment of dancing despite everybody's mocking laughter, maybe Purgatory was exactly where she would go to escape the gloominess of the Normandy and all the memories locked within. She wasn't dancing this time and that alone was enough to hit him straight where it hurt the most. Slumped into a barstool, drink in one hand and a lit cigarette in another, she seemed lost in the fever pitch of dance, alcohol and flirtation around her. He wanted to kick himself for not being there when she visited Thane at the hospital, for not doing more when she came out of the shuttle with tearstains on her cheeks...for not disobeying her order to be left undisturbed unless a major crisis demanded her immediate presence.

"Give me another," She tipped at the now empty glass after setting it down, her words slurred.

"The solution doesn't lie at the bottom of that glass, honey." The asari bartender frowned as she refilled the glass.

"Well, _honey_, you just cut your tip in half!" Shepard snarled, slamming a fist onto the counter. The glass shook, yet her reflexes weren't impaired enough not to catch it in time. She gulped the drink down in a single swallow, taking a long drag afterwards to even out the taste.

Garrus approached quietly, careful not to spook her. When she was like this, there was no way of predicting her response to anything. One of his hands slid atop her shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Shepard." He felt her tensing, ready to go for her sidearm at any given moment. Dark shadows surrounded her black eyes, still red and swollen from the tears she had shed.

"Go away, Garrus. I'm not good company now." Reading between the lines, he figured that she was ashamed to be seen with her guard down like this, never mind what they may have shared in the past. His free arm snuck around her waist, feeling her shiver at his touch.

"Shepard..." He repeated, his voice entreating and low, pulling her just close enough so she could lean into him if she desired. She didn't. "Ami, please...I know I let you down back there but I'm here now and I'm not leaving you to drink yourself into a damn stupor."

"You know what, Vakarian?" She snarled, pulling away as if his skin were made of fire. "You're a God damn pain in the ass." Stumbling, she rested her palms on the gleaming counter, nodding at the bartender to refill her glass.

"Yeah, I know. It's what you love about me. Right up there with the scars, right?" He quipped, doing his damn hardest not to show how much her reaction had hurt.

"Sure, remind me of that after I kick you off the ship for fucking insubordination and for annoying the hell out of me!" She didn't mean it of course; well, the kicking him off the ship part at least. But he'd be damned first before letting her take all the blame for what went wrong in that last mission. He took a deep breath and covered the hand clutching the glass with his own.

"The Shepard I know wouldn't take this shit lying down like a vorcha after being grazed by a bullet!" Anger bubbled up, focusing more on himself than her. He was a sniper for God's sake, so why had he not blown Leng's head off when the opportunity had presented itself?

"Oh yeah? So you think I'm some sort of robot who'll just reboot any time after a system failure? Let me tell you something, Vakarian. And listen well because I won't repeat myself." She turned to face him, her eyes fierce, narrow slits. "What happened back there was my own fucking fault and I will not brush off casualties on my watch. I don't know about you but Thane was a friend and I'll God damn mourn him for a few minutes. Fuck the galaxy and Cerberus, it's not like they give a shit about me taking a break from saving their sorry asses! Hell, Cerberus can go tango with the Reapers for all I care!"

"Didn't need that particular image, but that would make an interesting vid..."

"Urgh, if this is all just a big joke to you..."

"You know God damn well that it isn't!" He stepped back, arms folded across his chest. "I may just be a big flea brained idiot but, Spirits, I hate seeing you like this. Because if they get to you, they get to all of us." He was ready to sprint for cover just in case but rather than fly at him in a rage, she deflated. Her shoulders drooped, her head hanging low. He wanted to kick himself for laying even more pressure on her. For wanting to incite her anger rather than see her defeated by yet another loss...it was unbearable.

"Garrus..." Her voice was so small, so fragile, it was the tone she only adopted around him when she was no longer Commander Shepard but Ami, the woman he had grown to love so much that it ached to even imagine his world without her. "I'm tired. And you know what else? I'm so scared of letting you, all of you, down. Like I did today." Tears were glinting in her black eyes when she flung her arms around him, holding on to him as though her life depended on it.

"Ami, damn, I never thought I could hate this war anymore than I already do. But this," He pushed her back gently, catching her glance with his own. "This is more than wear and tear and I wish I was better at this..." Of all the times to lose his nerve, this wasn't it!

"You're doing just fine." She soothed as she placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I want you to know that you're permitted to let your guard down. That is why you are a the flickering flame in this storm to guide us. But fire needs to be nourished in order to remain lit and...damn it, second rate poetry isn't what you need now either."

"This is..." She shook her head, smiling. "You are exactly what I need right now. You made me remember something Thane told me once. All things worth keeping, worth fighting for are difficult and there'll be moments when you fall, scream and holler... But as long as you get up again to fight another day, it's worth it."

"Pretty smooth, you know, for an assassin." That provoked a wistful little smile from her.

"There you go, being difficult again." The smile blossomed into a grin as she cuddled up to him, not giving a damn about their surroundings.

"I'm special that way, Shepard." He whispered into her hair, his arms tightening around her waist.

"That you are, Vakarian, that you are."

**The End**


End file.
